Take a look at the diagram above. Unless your ex-husband or wife disappears and is no longer involved, you, your ex, and your kids are in a dynamic relationship with each other, and will be for years to come. What he does affects you directly and indirectly through the children.

And you are the one person in this system over which you have the most control.


Wisdom is not a 21st Century commodity—it’s been around for thousands of years. Plato, considered one of history’s greatest thinkers, had a simple saying written on the entrance to his academy in 4th Century B.C. Greece:

“Know Thyself”

This is a good motto for you, too.

When you know yourself, you know how much you can handle—when to say yes and when to say no. When you’re centered, you can deal with almost any ex, even the most difficult one, and you’ll be better able to parent your kids. They need to know that you’re there for them. And you can only be there for your kids if you are taking good care of yourself.

Categories: Control


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