Divorce has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Whether you’re just starting the process or are in the thick of it, rest assured that there will be an end. When you have reached that clearing, you want to be proud that you handled the divorce to the very best of your ability.
Joe and I were married for twelve years. I thought we were solid. We had two beautiful children, Sara and Regan, and lived the kind of life I always hoped we would.
To make a long story short, we started agreeing less and less on even the littlest things. We moved into separate rooms in order to ease the tension. Before I knew it, Joe wanted a divorce.
I found myself totally overwhelmed. I didn’t know where to turn first. I asked everyone for help and advice—my sister, my dad, and my friends who were attorneys.
I researched custody laws and put all of my financial information together.
One day, someone asked what I was doing to take care of myself. It was then that I realized I had taken no time for me. I had gained weight, I was sleeping a lot, and I found myself yelling—all the time. I forgot that my life was not wholly defined by this divorce.
So, I promised myself to do one thing I loved every week. It didn’t change everything, but I felt like I had a better handle on who I was, which allowed me to calm down and work through issues as they arose with more confidence and assurance.
Rena, age 40
Like Rena, when you take proper care of yourself, everything else has a better chance of falling into place. My book, The Intelligent Divorce, is about moving one step forward in the right direction every day. It’s about handling your feelings better, tending to yourself properly, and saying the right things to your kids. As Antoine de Saint-Exupery said, “What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step.”