Finding the Fire Again

I am very excited about Jeffrey Rubin’s new book titled The Art of Flourishing (Random House, 2011). His book looks at reclaiming dignity and meaning in a fast paced and confusing world. Recently, in The Huffington Post, Jeff tells us about a couple on the verge of divorce. Despite the hurt, Jeff was able to help these two people find a love that still breathed but needed to be rediscovered. Underneath the surface of hurt—and through good therapy—reconciliation was possible.

Sometimes there is optimism underneath all the pain. But, a good therapist and some patience may be required in order to find out if you can make it through the crisis. Here is my comment on the Huffington Post to Dr. Rubin’s brilliant article:

Jeff,
A lot of damage can be done after twenty years of marriage. People get into bad habits. They neglect each other, whether it is about kids or about work. Then they resent each other. This is a negative cycle that is so very human. Sadly, there is no one who can hurt you like the person you love.

Yet, there is something amazing about shared history. We are here on this earth for a limited run. When you share twenty years with someone, they are part of your life in a way that can never be replicated­. Sometimes the love is still alive underneath years of neglect.

And sometimes just too much damage has been done.  An arid home without love is an incredibly painful place to be.

Your work with this couple is the psychologi­cal equivalent of cleaning up the mess and uncovering what’s left. Do we still love each other? Or is it time to call it quits? This couple seems to be rediscover­ing something sweet and have made their choice.

Good work.

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