God, “Why Have You Made Me Your Target”? (Job 7:20)

Why do good people suffer? Is it a punishment?  Or, is there something terribly wrong with this idea? An ancient text called The Book of Job  has a worthwhile take on your suffering. It's message is modern, brilliant and on the money. Job's story may help you a lot. Suffering as Punishment: “You get what you deserve” is a universal belief that stands the test of time. Many hold that those who suffer trauma, trials and tribulation are being punished for some wrongdoing. … [Read more...]

Making Your Own Luck

Why is it that some people seem to have all the luck? Casie has the best boyfriends. They treat her well and aren’t high maintenance. While not everyone works out, it’s as if Casie simply flows onto the next one. Or she’s happy being single. You, on the other hand, can’t seem to find someone when you want to, and get trapped in difficult entanglements. It’s not right. Jack’s looking for a job. It seems that whenever he wants one, something appears. You, on the other hand, … [Read more...]

The Influence of a Narcissistic Father

“Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don’t mean to do harm, but the harm (that they cause) does not interest them. Or they do not see it, or they justify it because they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves”. ~ T.S. Eliot You used to think that by the time you were in your twenties and definitely by your thirties you’d have your act together – you’d be establishing a successful career, have your own … [Read more...]

Divorce, Illness & Life’s Uncertainties – 9 Ways to Manage

Everybody gets a turn going through bad times. And, sometimes it feels like it’ll never end. Case Example: Jody’s husband, Sam was just diagnosed with treatable form of cancer. Everything has changed. Sam had been full of energy, the center of the party. Now, he’s tired all the time and comes home from work exhausted and ready for bed. Their four children continue to live their lives, but Jody is constantly on the lookout for problems. Is Harry, their teenage boy getting his work … [Read more...]

Love Is an Action-Don’t Wait For It

"Where there is love there is life" - Mahatma Gandhi   We live in the entertainment era; a time when we sit back and things just happen. We go to the movies, pay an outrageous price, get the popcorn and relax. The flick does the rest. We go to the supermarket with thousands of foods to choose from. Choices are everywhere; we’re used to pushing a button, and feeling satisfied. So what about the most valued experience in the world; what about love? The Laundry List: Kimberly … [Read more...]

Treating trauma: 8 Ways to Detox Yourself

Steven, 25, fails again at school. There are many reasons; he is distractible, he smokes too much weed, and he doesn’t really like to study. But, what sticks in his head are ancient words from his long gone father: “Steven, you're lazy. You'll never amount to much.” His narcissistically inclined father may have said these words in exasperation, but it's now part of Steven’s identity. “I really won’t amount to much.” Suzanne, 33, remembers her deceased mother very well; it’s … [Read more...]

Ten Thing That Can Help If You Had A Narcissistic Father

You are now in your twenties or thirties and you find yourself having problems in relationships. You look back on your own upbringing, and think about your “wonderful” father. He was the hit of the party, knew everyone and made things happen. You couldn’t get enough. Is it possible that you were raised by a narcissist? And if so, why is it important? We take our families for granted. This is normal. Each family is a miniature sociological experiment. Each has its own set of unwritten … [Read more...]

Too angry? Not angry enough?

“Anybody can become angry- that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way- that is not within everybody’s power and is not so easy”- Aristotle. Handling Your Anger: Anger has a power, like money and sex. When used well, it’s a good  thing. When used poorly, like in a painful divorce, it’s destructive. If you are never angry, there is a price to pay. If you are angry too often and … [Read more...]

Wrongdoing, Regret and Change

Wrongdoing and Regret: Morgan Freeman, Robert De Niro and Lance Armstrong have something in common. It's Regret. Freeman and De Niro play roles depicting the power of regret: when you've done the unforgivable. And, in real life, Lance Armstrong has sullied a sport he loved. Surely he regrets. There's a lot written about whether or not to forgive; victims need ways to heal. But, what about the other side of the equation; the wrongdoer? Even if you're not to be forgiven, you can … [Read more...]

Unforgivable Hurt: Should therapists encourage patients to forgive?

Have you been wronged? Is it unforgivable. Sometimes bad things  are done to good people; well more than sometimes. • You are betrayed by your best friend who steals your wife. • You’ve been humiliated and beaten  by a narcissistic alcoholic  for fifteen years. • Your beloved children are being turned against you by a vindictive ex husband or wife. • Your uncle sexually abused you – and you’ve kept it locked away. Betrayal comes in many forms. On a global … [Read more...]